CANADIAN POEM

It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-nine below.

Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt ;
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Canada
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!

THE HUMAN BODY

• Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
• The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
• You use 200 muscles to take one step.
• The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
• Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
• A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
• A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
• The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
• The human brain cell can hold five times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
• It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
• The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
• Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
• At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell
• There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
• Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
• The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
• Your teeth start growing six months before you are born
• When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
• Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

MENOPAUSE JEWELLERY

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green, and when I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

WHY WE SPLIT UP

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending:
$65.00 on make-up,
$150 for a cut & color,
$30 for a manicure,
$40 for a pedicure,
$50 on vitamins,
$300 on clothes
and $600 for a gym membership.

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she needed it to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

Tom Telfer, B.A. Rotary Club of London West, PP PHF
District 6330 London, Ontario, Canada
Charter member of ROTI & Rotary Editors & Publishers
Editor of Jocoe’s Journal
ttelfer@rogers.com

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