"Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction." - Albert Einstein

AN EARLY EASTER
As you may know, Easter is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox, which is March 20. This dating of Easter is based on the lunar calendar that Hebrew people used to identify Passover, which is why it moves around on our Roman calendar.

Based on the above, Easter can actually be one day earlier, on March 22, but that is pretty rare.
This year is the earliest Easter any of us will ever see the rest of our lives, and only the most elderly of our population have ever seen it this early (95 years old or above). And none of us has ever, or will ever, see it a day earlier.
Here are the facts: The next time Easter will be this early (March 23) will be the year 2228 - 220 years from now. The last time it was this early was 1913, so if you're 95 or older, you are the only ones who were around for that.

The next time it will be a day earlier, March 22, will be in the year 2285 - 277 years from now. The last time it was on March 22 was 1818. So no one alive today has or will ever see it any earlier than this year.

CATHOLIC GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car, brainstorming another solution. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,

"If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

Mirror, Mirror"

• Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do you have to tell it all?
• Where do you get the glaring rightTo make my clothes look just too tight?
• I think I'm fine but I can see you won't co-operate with me;
  
• The way you let the shadows play, You'd think my hair was getting grey
• What's that, you say? A double chin? No, that's the way the light comes in;
• If you persist in peering so, You'll confiscate my facial glow,
• And then if you're not hanging straight, You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight;
• I'm really quite upset with you, For giving this distorted view;
• I hate you being smug and wise... O, look what's happened to my thighs!
• I warn you now, O mirrored wall, Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
• If I look like this in my new jeans, You'll find yourself in smithereens!!

I just read an article on the dangers of eating too much fat and drinking too much and it scared the heck out of me. So I told myself, "That's it!" After today, no more reading.
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"My Darling Son" Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."
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Put or Putt
A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," replied the instructor. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it, of course. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing."
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When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."

The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."
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Selling the House

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?"

The agent said, "Certainly ye have. Why d'ye ask?"

Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale! 'Tis too good to part with."

Tom Telfer, B.A. Rotary Club of London West, PP PHF
District 6330 London, Ontario, Canada
Charter member of ROTI & Rotary Editors & Publishers
Editor of Jocoe’s Journal
ttelfer@rogers.com

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