"Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will
get the blame. - Laurence J. Peter
THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper, groceries are heavier, and
everything is farther
away? Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how
long our street had
become!
And you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers
all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating
themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in
the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other
hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old
friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize
me! I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW -
even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and
limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say
is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and
swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they
suddenly start labeling
a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think older women don't notice?
The people who make
bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually
believe" the number I see
on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do
these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on - but the
telephone company is in
on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type
that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these
awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET
THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
-----------------------------
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she
spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up
on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone.
So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own
private number and directory listing.
Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to
find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch
and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting
silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why
aren't you talking on your own telephone?"
"I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
-----------------------------
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime.
After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on
the six o'clock news.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled
routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could
think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for- nothing bum!
Where the hell have ya been? You escaped
over 12 hours ago."
--------------------------
What A Loss
Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled
and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious."
"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock
market," Jill explained.
"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for
him."
"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."
-----------------------
First Major League Baseball Game
I took my son to his first Major League baseball game when he was four. The
game was delayed, so we spent our time
talking and eating everything the concession had to offer:Hot dogs, pretzels
nachos, pizza, soda, peanuts, ice cream, and cotton candy.
About a year later, I asked my son if he'd like to go to another game. He
thought about it for a moment and then replied, "No, thanks, Dad. I'm really
not that hungry."
--------------------------------
Having Another Child
When my daughter was about 10-years-old, I became pregnant. Of course, she
wanted to know how it happened, so I gave her what I considered an
appropriate explanation of the process.
She asked, "Did you do that to get me?"
I said yes and she responded, "And you did it again?"
----------------------------------------------------------
Ole and Sven are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Sven says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to
me in over 2 months.'
Ole spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over...
........women like that are hard to find.
'
*******************************
TRIVIA:
~ In 1894 there were only 4 automobiles in the US
~ In 1973 THE GODFATHER made Oscar an offer he couldn't refuse:Best Picture.
~ John Belushi was paid $35,000 for his role in ANIMAL HOUSE.
~ The fastest -moving land snail, the common garden snail, has a speed of 0
0313 mph.
~ The heart beats more than 2000 million times during the average human life
span, and in that time will pump around 500 million litres (110 million
gallons) of blood.
~ The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are
all birds that cannot walk.
~ The Kiwi, national bird of New Zealand, can't fly. It lives in a hole in
the ground, is almost blind, and lays only one egg each year. Despite this,
it has survived for more than 70 million years.
~ The largest animal ever seen alive was a 113.5 foot, 170-ton female blue
whale.
~ 'redivider' is the longest English palindrome that I know of.
~ "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs" uses all the letters of the
alphabet, and less of them compared to the "The quick brown fox...."
sentence. (Thanks Goat)
~ Wild Bill Hickok was killed playing poker, holding two pairs - aces and
eights, which has become known as 'Dead Man's Hand.'
~ Einstein won the Nobel Prize in 1921 for his work on the photoelectric
effect.
~ 100,000 Swiss francs or approximately $80,000 is needed to open a Swiss
bank account.
~ The facial muscles have a distinctive evolutionary path. Most of the
muscles of expression in the human face originate from the platysma muscle
of ancestral animals. No other animals have evolved as complex a set of
facial muscles as have humans. ~ The muscles which bend the finger joints
are located in the palm and up in the mid forearm, and are connected to the
finger bones by tendons, which pull on and move the fingers like the strings
of a marionette.
~ Much of muscle contraction occurs without conscious thought and is
necessary for survival, like the contraction of the heart or peristalsis,
which pushes food through the digestive system.
~ The first house rats recorded in America appeared in Boston in 1775.
~ The giant squid is the largest creature without a backboneIt weighs up to
2.5 tons and grows up to 55 feet long. Each
eye is a foot or more in diameter.
~ The harmless Whale Shark, holds the title of largest fish, with the record
being a 59 footer captured in Thailand in 1919.
~ The hummingbird is the only bird that can hover and fly straight up, down,
or backward!
~ Bourbon takes its name from Bourbon County in Kentucky, where it was first
produced in 1789 by a Baptist minister.
~ During the World War II, Bob Hope's plane was shot at when he was on his
way to perform for the troops. His response to this threat was: "I have
critics everywhere."
Tom Telfer, B.A. Rotary Club of London West, PP PHF
District 6330 London, Ontario, Canada
Charter member of ROTI & Rotary Editors & Publishers
Editor of Jocoe’s Journal
ttelfer@rogers.com
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