Word Puzzle: use the letters in these 2 words: New Door, to form one word.
Answer next week.

======

THE PASTOR'S NEW TEETH
The minister just had all of his teeth pulled and had new dentures made.

The first Sunday, he preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But on the third Sunday, he preached one hour and 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he replied: "The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures ... and I couldn't shut up."

======

• I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
• I had amnesia once -- or twice.
• I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
• Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
• All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
• If the world was a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
• Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
• Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
• One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
• My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
• Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
• Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

======

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

'Och, it's all going magic,' says Jock. 'I've got everything organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the Minister, even ma stag night.'

Archie nods approvingly.

'Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in,' continues Jock.

'A kilt?' asks Archie. 'That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that. What's the tartan?'

"Och,' says Jock, 'I'd imagine she'll just be in white.'

======

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

======

A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 90-year-old said, Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 23-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?'

The doctor considered his question for a moment and then began. 'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off to go hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he would not be able to shoot the magnificent creature but, out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?'

The 90-year-old said, 'If you ask me , I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied, 'My point exactly'.

Back to the BreadBasket Menu