Jon Deisher
Anchorage, Alaska
Tonsina Point is one of several points of gravel
jutting into Alaska's Resurrection Bay near the small
town of Seward. Like others spawned by the melted gush
from the Harding Ice Field's snow and glaciers, The
"point" thrusts into the Bay, pushed there over time
by the annual floods of Spring breakup. Prior to the
1964 massive Alaskan tsunami, Tonsina was bounded on
the West by a perpendicular rock wall rising seventy
five to one hundred feet from the base, on the South
by Tonsina Creek running through the valley to the
Bay, and on the North and East by a ring of thickly
entwined Sitka spruce and black alder. Four or five
acres of a generally flat meadow covered with tall
salt grass, typical of coastal Alaska, were concealed
from view by these protective boundaries. From the
beach where we siwashed our boat, the trail to our
cabin cut through the spruce, skirted the grasslands
meadow, and followed the base of the cliffs southward
to the creek. It then turned right, squeezed between
the creek and the cliffs, and followed the valley to
our cabins. The meadow and beach were favorite places.
In free moments of escape, I often walked back down
the trail to them, turned off the path, found a
secluded place and lay down, becoming invisible in the
grass or among driftwood and other debris as the sea's
breeze whispered in the trees and danced with the
nodding grassy blades and seed stalks. Here one heard
only the errant wind in the spruce, the discordance of
beach birds, the softly lapping tides, the rippling of
the creek and the returning salmon splashing their way
to the spawning beds up-river. Far from town, roads or
other homesteads and their associated noise, the
spontaneity of sight and sound was uncontaminated,
fresh and timeless. On my back, gazing into the
passing clouds salted with passing seagulls and
gliding eagles, shapes appeared and were transformed
by the wind's sculpting hand and the sun's moving
light. It was as if other people were illusions or did
not exist. Sometimes I fell asleep. Perhaps they
really were illusions or maybe simply dreams.
Occasionally, my brother and I visited the meadow or
the beach on clear, cloudless afternoons. In the grass
or on the shell-strewn beach, lying on our backs as
daylight receded and stars appeared in the darkening
sky, we became of aware of their slow, eternal,
circular movement. In the Western sky we would find
the constellation Orion, from which the word "orient"
comes because Asia was found by following it across
the Pacific Ocean. We identified his sword and belt
easily. Then there was the Big Dipper, Ursa Major, the
constellation of Alaska's Flag. Our pointing fingers
would follow the line made by the Dipper's lip
northward to the Great North Star, the unmoving center
around which all other stars seemed to move. It was
Polaris: so named due to its location directly above
the Earth's north pole, making it appear stable in our
sky. As we lay against the Earth, the circular motion
of the stars was an illusion. They were not moving. We
were.
Our backs flat against our planet, on the
circumference of a large rotating ball observing the
passing stars as it turned, the immensity of
proportion created the illusion that the stars circled
above us. It is not uncommon to find meaning in
illusion or to assume the illusion is in fact reality.
Not knowing the difference, we either accepted or
placed unmoving Polaris as a guide and hub to center
the chaos of our night sky. In this, our small view of
the universe joined the wonder of the ancients: the
Arabic Caravans crossing desert sands, Mayan observers
creating calendars, Druids placing stones, Chinese
scribes noting changes, Greek mariners navigating
uncharted seas, or African stargazing shepherds
protecting their flocks from predators at night. Two
Alaskan boys on Tonsina Point were no different from
those who over millennia viewed in wonder and
curiosity the same celestial illusion and asked the
same eternal questions: "How do they move?" "What does
it mean?"
It wasn't they that moved, but us. The meaning was not
in the sky, but in us.
In moments of reverie, other stars in our lives have
seemed, like Polaris, stable, steady and constant. We
follow one, usually that pointed out or handed to us
when we are very young or, more rarely, that we
discover for ourselves along the way, and we become
like our circling celestial companions. Its meaning
and importance is often attached when we accept it and
we become content in our place rotating around that
which we are given or have found. And, as we circle,
we revere the stable one. Is he not wonderful? Should
we not worship her? He keeps us on the path. She
guides us safely. Sometimes clouds move in and obscure
our sky and our vision. Laying on our backs at night
when we experience moments of indecision or confusion
we look for our Polaris: Where is he? How do we find
her? The question persists and the answer eludes.
So, where is our Polaris? It will likely differ for
each of us. Find your constellation: your Ursa Major
and its cup. Follow the line made by its lip Northward
in the sky and there it is. Polaris. The steady one
who guides. The North Star. We see, find its meaning
and are comforted. We are stars in our own heaven
needing a center. Our Polaris is always there guiding
us to ourselves. But, wait. There, far below in grassy
meadows and on lonely beaches new eyes look skyward.
Brothers and Sisters seeking, like we who came before,
their Ursa Major. They follow it's lip, their fingers
begin pointing across the sky to their steady one, to
the one who leads and guides the way: their Polaris.
Whom might it be? It's someone who came before. And
they wonder, as did we who lead the way, and as have
all of those who have sought over millennia, "How do
they move?" "What does it mean?"
Their questions are, and continue to be, our
questions, too. To these new stars who soon will join
us, who today lay on their grassy circumference
searching the sky for their North Star and who will
one day lead the way as Polaris themselves, how do we
answer? We hand our answer to many, perhaps most, of
them when they are very young. To others we offer the
work of experience to make the discovery themselves
along the way.
Back
to the BreadBasket menu